"Oh, don't glare at me like that. This is all your fault, you know."
Candles were strategically placed around the luxury suite, lending the environment a surprisingly cheery glow. The speaker, [Villain], laid supine on a nearby couch. His pressed midnight-black suit was a sharp contrast to the creamy-white leather, posture surprisingly relaxed given the mood of his "guest". Deceptively-innocent eyes turned to the flat-screen television, several images frozen in place. "Now pay attention. This is very important and the crux of why we're here."
Click.
"This is Jefferson Stone, reporting to you live from Great Britain! An attack on the Big Ben Tower by the Bobbies Gang was stopped thanks to the combined efforts of British hero Union Jack and [Heroine]..."
The man allowed the two-minute newscast to play out before moving the arrow on the screen. This time, the expanded window was a portrait of disgrace, a man shielding his face from reporters while his phalanx of lawyers snarled responses.
"Breaking news! Marcus Hamilton was arrested today after the release of documents revealing he had accepted millions in illegal campaign funds from Triple Threat crime boss Tanner 'Shocker' Orzini. This story broke hours earlier after [Heroine's civilian alter-ego] caught one of Hamilton's associates breaking into—"
Click. Another screen.
"In Honduras, a potentially tragic outcome was stemmed as the Dragon of the West, [Heroine], Volcana, Tremor and the Gentleman Phantom evacuated civilians from a devastating earthquake. Multiple doctors have flown into the disaster area to offer aid and healing, working long to ensure all It was truly an uplifting display of humanity, as even now hundreds of brave citizens are sheltering their neighbors as the clean-up begins and donations pour in from around the globe, delivered by Future Industries..."
Click.
"I think I speak for everyone here on the Morning Sun News in saying that [Heroine] truly is the 'cat's meow'!"
The sight of her descending to the ground like an angel, an orange tabby in her arms batting at her face before being handed to a young boy, almost made up for that cringe-worthy wordplay. Almost. "I'm as fond of the classics as the next A-class villain, but that is just cliché."
Satisfied that the point had been made, [Villain] wryly smiled at the screen before speaking again. "Seems you've been quite the busy bee. I've certainly seen you more often on the television than face-to-face. You and that Atlas complex. Atlas complex...stripe me, but that's a good one!" The smile deepened into the all-too-insufferable (and punchworthy) smirk of a man utterly enamored with his own wit before narrowing. "But you made a grave mistake. No one, man or woman, can continue going without rest."
Pressing another button, a barrage of charts and graphs were vomited onto the screen, some as far back as six months prior. Each detailed a certain aspect of [Heroine's] attributes in battle: Speed, strength, reflexes, endurance, stamina, control and restraint of powers, total cost of collateral damage. Even the quality of witty banter had been carefully scrutinized...and all had been found increasingly wanting over the past few months. Whether pie, line, pictogram or histogram, they all arrived at the same conclusion posted in grotesque blood-red full caps (the equivalent of high-decibel screaming)...
YOU SLIPPIN', KID. TAKE A VACATION.
"Unfortunately, you suffer from the worst case of selective deafness I've ever seen. So since you wouldn't take my advice, I decided to be more proactive. I'll take your glare as silent gratitude for my concern for your wellbeing." Glancing over to the balcony doors, providing a breathtaking view of the horizon and a clear vision of the tropical sunset, [Villain] shook his head in censure. Being a kidnapper didn't mean one had to forego comfort or style; there were standards to uphold, after all. Strolling over to a nearby table, he sat on its edge to meet the fierce eyes of his captive audience. "If you were currently capable of your A-game, [Heroine], you would have escaped my trap, instead of being bound as you are."
He gave another sweet smile as he eyed his erstwhile adversary and arch-rival. "So yes, this current state of affairs is entirely your own fault...dear."